


Snapshots

by rannas



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Character Study, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2019-11-05 20:03:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17925419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rannas/pseuds/rannas
Summary: Little moments after Isa recompletes and adjusts to life as a real person again





	1. Reawakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa reawakens to the person he wants to see most.

The last thing he sees is Lea’s face. Or rather Axel’s… no Lea. He had been a complete person and while he had heard the others call him Axel- to him he would always be Lea. The same boy who he had spent almost every waking moment with as a teen. Of course they were grown now, no longer the same bright eyed and innocent boys they once had been. But as he faded, Lea’s smile remained fixed in his mind as the dark abyss consumed him. 

In the dark, came a flood of memories. Ones he had never truly forgotten, but ones he had packaged away. Ones too painful to remember with his heart missing and incomplete. He had been told he would feel nothing and he had believed it. It was easier to believe, easier to ignore the pain, remorse, and jealousy that fueled most of his time as a nobody. His past as Isa, his present as Saix, and his future as a possessed vessel all at odds with one another. By climbing to the top (with Axel to help him), he had only trapped himself further from his old self and old goals. 

Truthfully, he had almost given up. Turned away from any sense of self. He was marked, unable to escape from this fate. It wasn’t until the clash of metal and the sound of his name, his true name reignited something in him. A purpose. Lea’s voice pierced through him at the time, awakening a new purpose, reawakening a part of him that he had sealed away to avoid the hurt. The part of him that was Isa and not Saix, the part of him that just wanted his friend back, his life back. He knew Xehanort had taken over, and had more control than he ever had, but somehow he vowed to make amends, in any way he could. 

And somehow maybe… they could be close again before everything had fallen apart. Before, when they shared the same goals and the same purpose, and being in the same room was comfortable and natural and not full of this uncomfortable tension. They were like magnets that had once clung close and now only seemed to repel each other away.  _ Lea… _ what had become of them. Their good intentions. All gone to waste. He blamed Lea for giving up. On him. On the girl they were unable to save. But he also blamed himself. For not giving up. For not realizing when there were no answers to the questions he sought. For not giving up his own selfish pride and reaching out before he let jealousy consume him. 

And with that rush of regret, he slowly realizes he’s starting to feel again. His emotions more tangible, more real than he remembers in some time. No longer muffled by the heart of another. His own feelings and desires no longer being drowned out and overruled. It was unfamiliar and overwhelming. He has not been sure he would even be recompleted. The others had been after their defeat at the hands of Sora and his friends. He had not been so lucky. He had wondered if Xehanort’s control over him had permanently corrupted him. Maybe his fate was so tied to Xehanort’s that he no longer could be himself anymore. But this feeling, it must mean he was getting a second chance. How long had it been since he had truly just been himself? To have his thoughts and feelings be his and only his once again. To be his own person again, was more than he deserved or expected. 

_ Lea… _ He hoped he could see him again, there was so much he had to say. So much time he had lost being petty, jealous, and distant.

The first thing he becomes aware of are voices. Muffled, yet familiar. His brain still too slow to latch on to words and tones to pick out the flow of conversation. His body stiff, his mind clearly had awoken before the rest of him got the message. A sensation that usually sent anxiety coursing through any person, but it was clear his brain was still crossing the wires. Connecting to the heart that had been missing for so long. He was pretty sure he heard the voices arguing. And while he still couldn’t discern the words, one voice stood out. Familiar and demanding. One voice that had no reason to be here, he had already been completed for some time after all. He would be with the others right? Not here, even if it was their real home. 

Eyes fluttered, adjusting to the brightness of the room. But even in the blur he could see red. And if he hadn’t heard his voice, he would have been sure he had imagined it. And as much as the bitter part of him doubted Lea would care enough to be here, the old Isa knew that rushing to his side consequences be damned is exactly the kind of thing Lea would do. And he had never been more relieved to be right, to have faith in the lengths Lea would go to for those he considered friends. 

“Welcome back... Isa.” 

Lea’s hand was outstretched, light framing his face like a halo. That familiar impish smile on his face. The other faces in his vicinity still blurry. And though his arm still felt like it weighed three times as much as it should he reached up to meet his hand and clasped it tightly. Mutually pulling up until he was on his feet, still slightly dazed and a little dizzy. Still blinking as his eyes still adjusted, he looked up right at Lea, in hopes that focusing a single point would get him rebalanced. 

For a moment they just stared at each other, Lea’s eyes keyed in on his own. Had they returned to their normal hue? It had been so long since he had seem himself without the pointed ears and yellow eyes. Would he even recognize himself? He saw tears trickle out of Lea’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in close. He would have called him a crybaby, but truthfully he felt like crying too. All of this, was real. The arms wrapped around his back, the warmth of another's body pressed against his own, Lea's tear soaked check against his own. A sensation both familiar and brand new all the same. 

Isa remembered the last time they had been in this room, together, as complete people. They were just teenagers. Willingly they had become apprentices, tired of their attempts of sneaking into the castle constantly being thwarted. Unwillingly their hearts had been sacrificed. So much had changed. They weren’t the same people anymore. But there would be a time to sort through all that. For now, this moment was enough. Of course they had never really been completely apart, not in the past decade of Axel and Saix. But this moment, the reunion of Lea and Isa had been a long time coming and he wanted to enjoy it without worrying about the future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Generic and short start, but wanted to explore Isa's character and write some scenarios post-game not necessarily following a grand plot or timeline. Likely with other characters besides Lea as well, but first couple are centered on them. Feel free to follow me on twitter (@heartdrives) if you wanna ramble about KH and these two with me.


	2. Revisit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa and Lea revisit Isa's old room from his time as an apprentice

“How the hell were these not destroyed?” He had a point. The castle had undergone so many changes from the destruction the darkness had cause, but many parts of it were untouched. Including this hall of the former living quarters of the apprentices of Ansem the Wise. 

He didn’t answer, but rather gave a noncommittal grunt, unable to chirp in with usual banter due to the pounding in his head. The persistent headaches had clearly settled into his new life. Ienzo seemed to think that it was a side effect of how long he had been possessed. Apparently, the keyblade wielder who’s body Xehanort had stolen was suffering similar symptoms. Braig would be the only other who had been under his influence for years, but they had not seen a trace of him since the battle. But that was a whole other mystery, one he really did not have the ability to wrap his head around quite yet.

The experimental medicine devised by Even seemed to work well enough. It got rid of the headaches in good enough time, but also made him extremely tired. And sleep was another thing he avoided as much as humanly possible. Choosing between nightmares and headaches constantly made him irritable and on edge a majority of the time. So while he was looking forward to the medicine kicking in soon, he also dreaded the nap he would need as well. One that would result in all too vivid dreams and a bout a sleep paralysis for good measure. And that moment of terror of not having control of his body once again would likely put him back on track for more irritability and headaches. 

Lea didn’t seem to mind his lack of reply. Their friendship was still fractured from their years as nobodies, but somehow bits of the foundation remained. They still had lots to discuss and hash out. Inevitable yelling and crying that he just wasn’t ready for yet. And yet there was an easiness in his company, in the mutual companionship where silence was comforting and not awkward. 

Isa pushed open the door to his old room. The room assigned to him when they had signed up as apprentices. He had been so eager to move away from home, felt like such an adult when he was first assigned this space. He had given no second thought to leaving the parents he had never really felt all that connected to. Cold and distant, he had spent more time with Lea than he ever had at home. 

It was his idea to become apprentices. But both him and Lea both intoxicated on the idea of their new lives, of freedom and stepping in to the roles of heros. They were going to solve the mysteries of the castle and save the girl. A decade later and neither of those things were true. In fact, they were probably even farther from it. 

The room had a simple setup. A twin sized bed, a dresser, a bookshelf, and a bedside table with a lamp. He had not lived there long but even if he had he doubted it would have filled with decorations. It wasn’t really his style. As a kid he had glow in the dark star stickers on his ceiling. Lea had helped him put them up. But that had seemed too childish for his life as an apprentice. 

“You clearly had a real eye for decorating.” The emptiness of the room had clearly not been lost on Lea who was still hovering awkwardly by the door. 

“I don’t think the clutter in your room counts as decoration.” 

“Fair enough.” Lea shrugged,  “So why’d ya wanna come back here? Kind of a weird outing. Not that I mind or anything.”

“Nostalgia I guess.” He opened the drawer and pulled out a dark blue jacket with a yellow moon emblazoned on it. “Don’t think this fits anymore.” He held it up against his frame, the tiny jacket almost laughable. Both of them had undergone quite a growth spurt since they days they moved in here. 

“Too bad, it’s about time you ditched the robes.” 

“You haven’t ‘ditched’ yours yet either.” Isa’s brows raised. It was a question he had wanted to ask for some time. After all, he had been a somebody for a while. There had been no need for the cloak, and yet he was still wearing it. In his case, he wanted to find something new, be free from the past but too many other things took precedence. “Why is that?”

“I dunno. Guess I wasn’t quite ready to let the Axel part of me go. Lea… Axel… it’s hard to tell who the hell I am after all that.” Lea muttered looking sheepish, doing that hair rubbing thing he did anytime he was uncomfortable. That familiar tic causing a wave of soft affection, and that prickle of annoyance the headache had given him faded. 

“Yeah.” Being recompleted didn’t make Saix go away either. But thoughts like that were dangerous. They tended to lead to his head aching even more then before. Another time. A mantra that was quickly becoming a constant in his life. 

“But that old wizard did get me some new clothes. Guess it is about time I used ‘em.”

“I’d like to see them.” Isa smiled, it would really feel like they were people if they were not longer in these robes after all. 

“You know what… I’m gonna get you some new clothes too.” Lea tapped the pocket he knew held his gummiphone. Gadgets that had been given to them both by Ienzo. Lea seemed to pick up on its features quite easily, using it to take pictures and communicate with his many friends. Isa had hardly touched his. 

Isa shook his head, unable to object knowing full well once Lea got an idea in his head he was often powerless to stop him. And truthfully, new clothes would be nice. Especially ones he didn’t have to figure out on his own. He sighed and went to sit on the bed. It creaked as he did, probably rusty from years of no use. He pressed his heel back under the bed to check, and ran into a cardboard box as he expected.  _ Good _ . He leaned over and pulled out the box. Lea was watching him curiously, leaned up against the wall. 

Pulling open the flaps, dust flying up in response. It really had been awhile. And with a creak and shift of weight he knew that the curiosity had gotten to Lea who had wordlessly joined him on the bed, sitting near enough to peer into the box as well. 

Inside were mostly pictures. Ticket stubs, popsicle sticks, receipts, notes passed back and forth in class. All mementos the years of friendship. The one possession he had held on to when he had moved to this new life. 

“You… kept all this.” Lea’s voice clearly choked up. 

“Are you going to cry again?” 

Isa pulled out a photo near the top. It was one of the two of them, one Lea had demanded one of the shopkeepers take (the whole selfie phenomenon had not hit yet). The red haired boy was smiling big, throwing up peace signs with both hands. One of the arms throwing up the sign was wrapped around the blue-haired boys shoulder. That boy was not smiling wide at the camera. Instead he was looking at the other boy, a soft, slight smile on his face. 

“We really were unfortunate looking kids” Isa finally chipped in after they both spent some time looking at the old photo. 

“What do you means thats a great pic!” 

“I mean that scarf, I just sincerely hope that’s not part of your new outfit.” 

Lea’s mouth openedin shock, and he wasn’t sure if he was actually offended or playing along, but he got over it and scoffed in return “You aren’t any better with that huge collar.” 

Isa laughed. Lea quickly joined in. And for a moment, he felt like the boy in the picture. Happy. Free. After a bit, he did notice that Lea’s laughter had faded and was not just looking at him with a strange smile on his face, “Why are you grinning like that?” 

“Guess it’s been awhile since I actually heard you laugh.” Lea replied as he bumped his shoulder against his playfully. 

He shook his head and chuckled again. He wasn’t sure if the medicine finally kicked in or the laughing had finally kicked the headache. But it was one of those few fleeting moments where none of that was weighing on him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think Isa is just as sentimental as Lea but just in his own kind of way. Also some headcanons on the effects of being possessed for a long time. 
> 
> twitter: @heartdrives


	3. Refitted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa and Lea get finally get their new clothes and slowly learn how to communicate with each other once again.

“And back home. See it wasn’t that bad Isa.” Lea waved his hand nonchalantly, seemingly oblivious to the daggers being thrown at him with Isa’s gaze as they walked down the hall of the castle to their old rooms. 

Lips pursed, holding in the diatribe he had been wanting to unleash ever since Lea had drug him along on this foolish errand to the wizards tower. Sure now Lea had two suitcases in hand (contents to which he had not yet seen, the fairies seemed content to go along with Lea’s plan to change back here). And yes, vestments that's protected from the darkness were a good and smart decision for the future. 

“Something wrong?” Lea turned back and looked at him, eyes narrowed. An inexplicable expression on his face as Isa felt his frustrations come to a head. The prickling of pain in his skull had returned, frustrating him further. Perhaps this was the time to let loose his angry words. They were alone in the quiet hallway. And if he said nothing, he saw being dragged along on other adventures he was not ready for. 

“I’m not like you.” He spat out, hair standing on end. He could feel his newly regained heart racing. “I can’t just waltz in and pretend I am suddenly just one of whatever gang of misfits you are part of now.” 

The look of Lea’s face was hard to read. His eyebrows knitted together, head tilted, and green eyes bored into his own. “Fucking finally.” 

“What?” His words came out as a loud hiss, and his anger rose. The dark recesses of his mind wanted to reach out, to strike and attack. But he resisted, just letting the fury course through him. Was Lea just egging him on… goading him into a fight? The thought infuriated him. Reminded him of the conversations they had as members of the organization, laced with malice and bitterness, both blaming the other. 

Suitcases fell to the ground with a loud thunk and brought him out of his reverie. Lea moving to him and grabbing his arms rather forcefully, fingers digging into his biceps. And while that should have made him angrier, tipped his rage into a full blown fury- it didn’t. Something about the pain grounded him, the white hot anger no longer blinding him. 

“Why is it so hard to get you to admit these things? God damn it Isa, just talk to me for once.” His head fell against his shoulder, and Isa melted. The anger cracked and fell into something softer. He felt… vulnerable. The pressure on his arms and shoulder pulling him away from his blind rage. Now he felt a different fire, a fire for warmth and not destruction. 

“I…” Warm, wet tears dripped down his face as he stuttered off unable to finish whatever he was going to say in response.

“Who’s the crybaby now?” Lea’s snark was muffled in his shoulder.

“Hmph.. You’re crying too.” 

“Yeah well.” Lea lifted his head and smiled through the tears. His grip on him loosened but he kept his hands wrapped around his arms.  Something for which he was thankful for, something about his touch was grounding. Warmed the cold exterior he kept up so often. 

“I’m… sorry. It’s just difficult for me. I know how they still see me. As an enemy.  They aren’t wrong.”   
  
“Hey. I was in the same boat you know.” Lea let go of his arms, still watching him carefully, cheeks still shining with tears.

“No. You weren’t.” Isa shook his head, blue hair swaying. “You always were good at this thing. Introducing yourself to everyone you met, collecting all your stray puppies. But for me… you were my only friend.” Isa reached up, wiping the tears remaining on Lea’s cheek with his thumb, lingering on the warm skin. 

“Yeah, well you were a tough one to crack.” Lea’s crooked grin sparked a slight smile on his on face. And without any sort of warning, Lea pulled him roughly into a hug wrapping his arms tight around his back. Isa mirrored him and pulled him in. Entangled together in the empty hallway, Isa remembered the insistent kid that just kept coming to talk to him no matter how much he ignored him. How that same kid grew from an annoyance to the best part of his day- the only person he looked forward to seeing. 

“Hey, I have an idea.” Lea’s voice cut through Isa’s daze of memories and he pulled back to pick up the discarded suitcase with the blue and silver filigree adorning it and handed to him. “Put these on. And let’s meet in our spot. Sun should have set by now.” 

“Alright.” He watched Lea walk to his old room before going to his own. Their place… It had been so long. Their place was just a ledge on the castle. One that wasn’t patrolled by Aeleus and Dilan and easy to sneak into. Off of the main area of the castle, but offered the perfect place to stargaze. Something they had done often as kids. He still remembered Lea throwing rocks at his window to get him to sneak out at night with him. They never did anything bad (beyond breaking into the castle) but he always enjoyed the thrill. 

Taking off the black cloak was freeing. He could see his body was now covered in scars he had not had as a teen when he first donned the cloak. None as noticeable or deep as the one on his face, but still clear reminders of his time as a nobody. Unsurprisingly, the new garments fit perfectly, they were magic after all. What was surprising was the similarity to his old clothes. More black of course, which he appreciated, but there was a nice familiarity to the jacket and the moon emblem on it that made him feel more like his old self then before. 

Somehow he still managed to beat Lea after changing into his new garments, but he preferred it that way. He took the time to settle in his old spot and look up at the clear cloudless night. The moon a waning crescent. It had been so long since he had seen this sky, these stars. The one in the world in between was starless, an empty void besides the looming heart shaped moon. Funny, now he knew those stars were all worlds, many of which he had seen or heard reports of in his time with the organization. Even knowing that, he still felt at awe looking up at them. Back when they were kids, they would find shapes and make up stories for them, he wondered if Lea remembered that. 

“Alright, what do ya think?” Lea came around the corner, taking a dramatic spin as he did so. Which despite the utter ridiculousness of, he couldn’t help but smile at. It was a lot less loud than the way he had dressed as a teen. Just black and plaid, but fit him well. He looked… really good. 

“It suits you.”

“Yeah?” Lea scratched his head and smiled wide, “And what about you- c’mon stand up so I can see it for real” 

Isa sighed but obliged, standing stiffly as he waited for a reaction. Theatrics likes spins were out of the question. After a pause, Lea finally approved, “Perfect. Much better then the cloak for sure.” It was hard to tell in the moonlight, but he could have sworn he saw a red blush on Lea’s cheeks. 

They both sat on the ledge, legs hanging off the edge, close enough to be almost touching but not quite. Lea was fiddling with the pocket of his pants, clearly trying to say something. “I’m gonna meet Roxas and Xion at the clocktower tomorrow for ice cream.” 

“Thats nice.” Part of him was expecting that familiar pang of jealousy but it wasn’t there. Lea had hardly left his side since awakening, it was only fair he got some time with his other friends. If he hadn’t given up on him yet, he was pretty sure he was stuck with him for life. In place of jealousy was another feeling, regret maybe? Regret that he had missed out on so much and separated himself so forcibly from people who were dear to his friend.

“They... uh..  told me to invite you but ….” Lea shrugged and looked pointedly at the sky, “Don’t want to force you into anything.” 

“Not yet.” 

“Okay.” Isa could see his shoulders shrug and felt another wave of regret. 

Isa took a deep breath, thinking about how it would be nice to all be together. To have the little pieces of their lives fit neatly together like they used to. But things were messier now, the edges jagged and worn. But he wasn’t going to be the old and forgotten part of Lea’s life. He liked being part of it, the same person who would introduce himself to everyone he met.That brightness that sucked everyone in, he wanted to share it. And as hard as it would be to look Roxas and Xion in the face, knowing the pain he caused, he was pretty sure it might be exactly what he needed to do. They deserved to know they had deserved so much better and that he would atone for his past self. “Soon though, I think....” 

There was a pause, and Isa watched Lea’s green eyes searching him, a hopeful gleam in them. “I’d like that a lot.” 

“Me too.” Isa looked over at Lea and smiled softly. All this emotional outpouring and soul searching left him feeling worn down. It was of course easy these days, ever since his awakening he felt himself tiring out easy, as if his strength had not fully returned. Lea had said that it had been like that for him, but between that, the headaches, and the nightmares… well he was glad he at least had Lea by his side. 

  
Lea looked back at him with such a warm and soft expression, he was pretty sure he was now blushing. And when Lea snaked his arm in between him to intertwine their fingers and leaned his head against his shoulder, he was positive that he was blushing but he really wasn’t worried about it. Instead, he just leaned into him, his head rested on Lea’s, and tired as he was he let himself close his eyes. The stars weren’t going anywhere after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All in all kind of a lame and short fight but still feel like little moments like that would go a long way. I just really love thinking about the dynamic of knowing each other your whole life, but still have to relearn those things and actually understand them and handle them better. Part of me wants to make a side story with Lea going to get ice cream and actually explaining his past to Roxas and Xion.... but we will see.


	4. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa goes for his check up with Even and Ienzo.

The lab had never been one of Isa’s favorite places. Becoming an apprentice was an means to an end, hardly because he had some strong interest in research. He had intelligence enough to welcomed in with relative ease and Even had never been as dismissive of him as he had been of Lea. Lea was not unintelligent, but was loud and brash and had a knack for getting under the older apprentices skin with ease. 

He passed Dilan and Aeleus outside, menacing and barrel chested as always. They still struck an impressive figure even now that he was grown. He still felt dwarfed by their presence and they still did not seem very inclined to chatter, mumbling quiet greetings and nods as they passed each other. 

Even looked up as he entered the lab, “You missed our meeting yesterday.” 

“Sorry. Something else came up.”

“And by something else I am sure you mean running around with Lea yet again.” Even gave him a rather snide look, “Funny, after these years you still seem unable to not get caught up in that boys antics. How unfortunate.” 

Ienzo looked up for a minute, looking like he was going to say something but decided against it and continued whatever he was doing. Isa pursed his lips, deciding it was better if he didn’t try to come back with anything. Clearly Even was enjoying being the figure in charge once more. Isa of course had surpassed his ranking in their days in the Organization, coniving his way to being Xemnas’s right hand man. He had shot higher in the chain of command then the other apprentices save Braig (who was another mystery entirely). He’d also never been a fan of Lea, a fact which he was sure multiplied when his nobody was killed by Axel. He had brought it up enough to him to know it was a sour subject. 

“Well, anyways. I have a new bottle for you. I have made an adjustment to the pills. They should cause you less fatigue while still handling the headaches. I have been testing them myself and the results are promising.”

He had forgotten that Even had also been possessed, albeit briefly. They all had some varying symptoms and scars of their time as nobodies. Even’s burns were rather severe, it had make his first reawakening quite slow and painful after all. While he was a bit curious if the medicine helped the lingering pain, he knew that would only bring up more snide remarks about Lea which he really wasn’t feeling up to stomaching at the moment. “Thank you Even.” 

“Hmph. Well I have other matters to attend to. There is much to prepare for for our current project.” Even left the lab without as much as a look back. Something which Ienzo found amusing since he chuckled as he left. Isa however was rather relieved. He didn’t dislike Even necessarily but the company of Ienzo was definitely preferable. He was younger then him, but he did feel some sort of camaraderie with him despite not spending all that much time together. They had both been kids when all this started after all. Ienzo had it worse of course, he had been an orphan and grew up around all those terrible experiments. He gave up his heart at too young an age to even know what he was doing. But despite all of that Ienzo was pleasant to be around, smiley and talkative. And unlike Even did not seem to carry grudges from their time as nobodies.

“Current project?” Isa asked, turning his new pill bottle over in his hands. 

“Namine. We are in process of finishing her vessel with her digital memories. Due to her unique nature she has proven more challenging than Roxas was.” 

“Ah.” The replica project was something he understood on a surface level. He had never bothered to truly understand the inner workings of it. 

Ienzo stood up from the computer, “If you don’t mind I’d like to get an update on your vitals.”

 

“Fine.” He sat down on the cot that had been placed in the lab and endured the various pokings and prodings and tests as Ienzo efficiently documented them all. Ienzo chattered throughout, telling him what he was doing and why and if the readings were better or worse than before. Isa took the chance to zone out a bit giving simple responses when needed. 

He started thinking about this lab, the place he lost his heart. And the reason he had ended up here at all. All for that girl. Well, not all. He would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit it was also for Lea. Why else would have gotten himself that into playing the hero… Lea had always wanted to be a hero, he talked about them constantly, pretended to be them. Lea would always sympathize with the main character of a story, see himself as the hero people would immortalize, a name they would remember forever. Isa always related to the smaller characters, ones with mysterious pasts and motivations and didn’t talk a lot. He never really got the heroes, they always seemed too loud, always announcing what they were going to do and why and made dumb choices. 

It worked out well for their friendship, since they never had to fight over who would be who when they played. Isa was content being the sidekick or mysterious foe turned friend in Lea’s elaborate games. It was kind of funny though, the more he watched Lea play the hero, the more he seemed to understand the appeal. Somehow playing heroes turned into a break in that led them to her. Sad, lonely and locked up, there was nothing they could do before they had to make a run for it when they heard footsteps approaching. They had left that day feeling rather hopeless knowing a kid could just be trapped and memoryless like that. 

He still remembered Lea’s smile when he had suggested they vow to save her no matter what. Isa knew what he was saying was brash and that it would be dangerous and stupid for two kids to attempt. But it didn’t matter. Between the memory of her hopeless voice and the look in Lea’s eyes when they made their vow… he knew he was going to do anything so that Lea could finally be a real hero. But perhaps she needed a better pair of heroes, or maybe Isa bitterly mused, he was the one who was never really meant to be a hero.

“All done.” Lost in his own thoughts, he hadn’t even noticed Ienzo had returned to the computer. Presumably to enter the results from his tests. He had asked Ienzo about the girl at the last appointment to no avail but there would be no harm in asking again. 

“Were you able to find out anything else on the subject I asked you about?”

“No, I’m afraid. Not a trace. I wish I remembered more from that time but I was rather young.” He frowned and bowed his head slightly, “Even is sure that Braig was the one who took her away. He had not been very involved in much of the research but had taken special interest when she turned up. And despite all our records of the research on the heart, there is nothing on her.”

“Of course. A dead end.” He sighed, of course it would not be easy, it’s not like he hadn’t spent the time climbing up the organization to not know whatever information there was on this girl was either gone or well hidden. ”Unless of course we have a lead on where Braig is.” 

“No. Not a trace. If he was recompleted here as he should have been, he had eluded us all” Ienzo brought his hand to his chin in thought. “But…” 

“You think you may have a lead?” Isa asked, hopeful that maybe after years of dead ends there would be something. 

Ienzo shook his head, “Just a educated guess but I have a feeling it all comes down to the keyblade.”

Everything seemed to come down to the keyblade Isa couldn’t help but think, “Of course.” 

“Not my area of expertise and of course you could talk to Lea being as he is a wielder now.” Ienzo scratched his head, “But there are the other keyblade wielders with actual proper training. Perhaps they would be able to give you an idea.” 

It was a better lead then any and Ienzo gave him a name and coordinates on his new phone just in case before he departed back to his old room. Terra... Another who lived under for Xehanort’s influence. Maybe meeting him would be beneficial in more ways than one. He was one of the keyblade heroes after all. He looked up at the ceiling, replaying childhood memories in his head as he tried to sleep. Playing the hero might have come easier to Lea, but he wasn’t giving up just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter kinda looks like I am setting up a larger plot but not really. I’m not going to actually get into him going to find Subject X or discovering lots more or anything. Just diving into character motivations to help further my interpretation of his character which is more the point. I also wanted to have him interacting with more then just Lea. I also did decide to work on a side chapter thing in Lea’s POV for this “day” in the fic where he’s with Roxas and Xion, so hopefully that’ll be out next in addition to stuff I already started writing for this.


	5. Remedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa does some reflecting and makes a new promise.

Isa turned over the bottle of pills in his hand. The headache had crept up on him ever since waking up. Even had taped instructions to the side. Only 2 every 4 hours. No more than 6 for every 24 hours. And instructions to contact him at any time if the symptoms did not subside. How much time did that man spend in the lab? It had been less then a week since he had even mentioned the fatigue and already he had a new formula. Impressive.

Not that he was surprised. There was a reason he had sought him out for his plan. He was the only one able to get replicas working on that level. He had been successful with Roxas, Xion, and surely Namine soon. Without him, he would have never been able to atone. Not that he was done. No. He had too many years with too many mistakes.

He took the pills with a swig of water and lay on top of his fully made bed, waiting for the effects to kick in. The lights were off but sunlight streamed through the window. How had his days become so full of nothing? Some days he felt too bad to do anything, others he simply had nothing to do. He got his check ups, spent time with Lea, and slept a lot. He lacked that sense of purpose he had with the Organization. There were things he wanted to do, needed to do, but it was not as clear cut as it seemed before. It seemed like he was in a constant state of waiting. Waiting to feel better. Waiting to be ready to say the things he needed to say.

Dealing with these feelings was hard. He had spent so long believing he had no heart, was unable to feel. Of course that had been a lie. But it was still a long time to not deal with any sort of emotion. Not that he had been particularly good at it before losing his heart. He had plenty left unsaid from that time too.

Maybe he should go out, walk or just do something but the act of actually getting out of bed was too much. Later, he thought.

It was hard to tell just how much time had passed. The lighting from the window had shifted so he knew some time had passed. His headache was gone, and he wasn’t feeling that same wave of fatigue as before. The updates to the medication had worked. They didn’t cure his general lethargy clearly but that’s not what were for.

The door to his room opened. He looked over even though he already knew who it was. There was only one person who would come in without knocking.

“Lea.”

“I see you are clearly up to some very important business.”

“I can get up.” Isa chose to ignore the sarcasm in Lea’s greeting.

“Nah.” Lea sat on the side of his bed opposite from where he lay. Isa turned on his side still unable to see his face, just the light from the window hitting his profile and illuminating his bright red hair.

“So... how was Twilight Town?”

“Good. Roxas and Xion were happy, guess there’s all sorts of new stuff going on there. Ate some ice cream, watched the sunset, you know the drill.”

“Hmm.” Isa felt a little frustrated. It was hard to come up with things to say when it came to those two. Nothing ever seemed adequate.

They sat quietly, until Lea broke the silence in a quiet and thoughtful tone. “Ever feel like you’re just one big screw up?“

“Lea. I’m lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon. What do you think?”

Lea laughed loudly. “And people say you have no sense of humor.” He turned, and laid down as well, hands behind his head. “Did you ever think we’d end up like this?”

“Like what exactly?”

Lea turned, facing him. Bodies curved toward each other like parentheses across from each other on the bed. A calmness surrounding them.

“I really should have talked to you more.” It was hardly an answer to his question. Yet he knew where he was coming from. There was no point trying to figure out just what they were now. Men who had spent half their lives ripped away from their hearts, unwilling pawns in a larger scheme. They had thought they were the clever ones, planning to take over, to be in charge of their own fates. Foolish plans made my foolish teenagers, and now they were foolish men dealing with the consequences. And yet, it was a relief to know that Lea was thinking about the past too. That their days in the Organization did not just haunt him. That even in their time as nobodies, Lea had not forgotten about him. 

“It’s not like I made it easy for you.”

“Yeah you were kind of an ass.” Lea looked away, “But shouldn’t have stopped me. Maybe I could have stopped you from the whole vessel thing.”

“You would have just suffered the same fate.” Isa frowned. After all, they were all supposed to end up as vessels. Lea had just been lucky enough to escape in time.

“Yeah but-” Leas voice was soft and insistent but Isa knew better. He had spent many days knowing just where to lay the blame for all that happened.

“No. The mistakes I made were still mine. I was not just a puppet of Xehanort but one of my own arrogance and pride.” His voice was low, no higher than a whisper. He could see Lea’s eyebrows creased in concern but he kept on. “I was so upset you had changed, convinced myself you had forgotten about me, that you no longer cared. Never stopped to think that change might not be bad or that I was pushing you away.”

“Well don’t go hogging all the blame. I pushed you away too.” Lea looked down, and Isa watched him blinking. Every-time they had met back then it had been volatile and awkward. Cold expressions and passive aggressive words exchanged.  They had both changed and refused to accept it or admit and now... it felt like despite all of that, maybe, just maybe they had changed for the better. Lea looked back at him, he wasn't crying but there was a sad and watery expression in his eyes. “It was easier being friends with Roxas and Xion. Simple. Just like being a kid again. Just like it was hanging out with you before everything got so messy. But I ended up messing things up with them too. Woke up with them gone and you missing. ”

Isa thought about lifting his arm, reaching out. But he was afraid of shattering this moment. The spell of the afternoon that was making all those hard to say words come easy. Instead he just kept his gaze on Lea’s.

“I tried to let you go. To let the past go. But I just never could get you out of my head.”

“Told ya I was unforgettable.”

“And I still think you’re annoying.”

They both laughed quietly, smiling widely at each other.

“Let’s make a promise.” Lea sat up and stuck out his arm, pinky extended.

“A pinky swear? We are hardly children anymore Lea.”

“Oh whatever we can sign the big adult contract later. Don’t be such a stick in the mud.”

“Fine.” He sat up and mirrored him. Wrapping his pinky around Lea’s, their arms hovering above the bed.

“Let’s promise to talk more. Be honest with each other. All that. I wanna talk like this more.”

“Me too.” He exhaled softly, “Alright then”

“It’s a deal then. Don’t go breaking it.” The shook, the angle slightly awkward and sent a jolt of pain through his arm but he didn’t mind.

“Of course not.”

They both laid back down, still facing each other, just watching each other in the peaceful reverie. There were still things left unsaid. Apologies to make. Questions to ask. Even their friendship needed defining, so many blurred edges and emotions he hadn’t quite addressed. He planned to keep his promise, but there would be time. Even through all the uncertainty of his current state, he found comfort in that truth.

“Wanna go look at the stars again tonight?” Lea looked over at him sleepily.

“Yeah I’d like that.” He watched Lea as his eyelids slid close and the rise and fall of his chest closed until he slipped into sleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is uhhh... sappy and self indulgent. And I have full intentions of it being like this again.


	6. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa and Lea revisit the jail cell and and old childhood relic

The first time they had been here, they were just teens. Ducking in the shadows and speaking in whispers. In awe that the castle had a place like this. What need was there for prisons? But it did explain the screams. He remembers the fearful glances they shared as they tiptoed through until they had heard a small and meek ‘Hello?’ And there she was, they couldn’t see her through the bars but they crouched outside. They asked her questions about her name and where she was from, but she only sounded sad when she couldn’t remember them. She told them she missed her friends. And Lea told her they’d be her friends until she could find them. Isa had agreed and that was the first time he heard her laugh. 

He understood feeling lonely. It had been a common feeling before Lea came and befriended him. The other kids weren’t mean outright. And what if he lost Lea like she lost her friends? That would have been terrible. Funny, now he was an adult he knew how it felt to lose him. But he imagined she hadn’t pushed her friends away like he had. She had always been so easy to talk to despite having no memories. They had just told her about the mundane things they did together. Now at least they’d have more stories to tell. And maybe she could finally tell about her past. It had to be something important right? Isa clenched his fist. One day the three of them would be able to tell their crazy tales, and they could finally share some sea salt ice cream with her like they promised all those years ago. She had always seemed so interested in it at the time, wondering how a sweet could be salty at the same time. Those little moments were all they had together, but it felt important and real. She had been the first person after Lea he really felt a connection to. It didn’t come easy to him after all, and maybe the circumstances were a little messy, but he had faith it had significance. 

They stood outside the familiar cell for a bit, both quiet. Isa wondering if Lea was remembering those times too. He wondered what was going through his head back then. Did Lea regret all their break ins? Did he blame him for what happened to them? Sometimes he blamed himself. For not reaching her sooner. For putting Lea at risk. For losing their hearts. The deafening silence of the whole area didn't help. Everything about this place was oppressive, despite the space, he still felt as if he could be swallowed up whole. 

Lea broke the silence, still staring into the cell with its door ajar (unlike any other time they’d ever seen it), “Empty huh?” 

“Were you expecting something else?” Isa sighed. 

“No.” Lea scratched his head and kicked at the ground, “Just almost doesn’t feel real.” 

“Yeah… feels like we imagined her sometimes.” It was a thought he had a lot in his time as Saix. That maybe he had just wanted there to be someone to find. A reason for all this. But he could still remember her voice, he didn’t think that up. 

“Did we?” Lea’s voice replied in barely a whisper, face twisted. 

“I hope not. And they have proof she existed. But anything else about her…” He ran his hand down the edge of the cell. It had been silly to come here, nothing would have remained after a decade after all. 

“Maybe she’s wherever Braig turned up. Some sort of world full of lost people” It wasn’t a ridiculous idea but another missing person to find really didn’t help matters. 

“You think he’s still alive.” Eyes narrowed. It wasn’t a question. He thought the same. There was always something about him. And if someone as far gone as himself could come back, well, he was pretty sure that Braig or Xigbar was still somewhere. 

“Don’t you? Always had the feeling he was up to something ya know.” Isa watched as Lea shrugged dramatically, taking comfort in his familiar gestures. 

He looked down, the ground cold and unwelcoming. No one should have had to stay here for along time, “... What about her?” 

“I… really don’t know. I think that might be why I stopped trying so hard y’know. I’m not really too good at losing. You and her seemed like such lost causes.” Lea crossed his arms, “Maybe that’s why I pulled away- so I couldn’t lose. Maybe it’s why I tried to hard when Roxas and Xion seemed to be the same way. Losing again, giving up again. It was too much.” 

Isa could tell he was fighting back tears. He envied Lea’s ease of just letting his emotions go. They seemed to just radiate from him like beams of light. It was never that easy for him. Isa smiled softly at Lea, “I thought you never gave up.” 

“Yeah well.” Lea shifted, putting his arms behind his head. Isa’s smiled widened knowing that move meant his words had gotten through. 

“I mean you didn’t really give up on me right?” Isa teased. 

“No… not really. Even when I really wanted to.” His cheeky grin was softer than usual. 

“Well memories are forever right? ” He placed his fingers by his head, tilted his head. Not quite the usual turn of phrase, but he felt like it fit. 

Lea grinned. And for a second he felt like they were just boys again, joking around even when hiding from the guards. After all those years, that damn grin still made him feel all warm inside. Not that he ever told him. Never had the courage to say that all that teasing when they were younger was out of fondness. It was horribly cliché and he knew it, teasing the people you liked. 

It had taken some time. At first, Lea really was an annoyance. Always talking, always coming up to him whether he asked or not. But that slowly shifted into another feeling. Relief. Comfort. And eventually he found himself excited every time he spotted the boy with the bright red hair coming towards him. He wished he could pin down when he realized. The moment where he knew he was in too deep. When he started feeling this overwhelming rush of affection everytime Lea smiled. As a kid, it had scared him. He’d never felt so strongly about anyone. Not his family, not any other friend. 

Now, he wasn’t scared like he was as a boy. Something different was holding him back. He had 10 long years to ruminate on his feelings. Hoping one day he’d get his heart back and finally have the courage to say something. But he had pushed too hard, and pushed him away in the process. It had made him bitter and angry, and truthfully that wasn’t all gone. So it wasn’t fair for him to say something but every little moment like this, made him want to even more. 

“Lea….I... ”

“Isa I..” Lea’s slightly somber tone was interrupted with a confused look as they both spoke at once. And whatever shred of courage Isa had fled in that moment. Not that he knew what he was going to say. But whatever words he planned on blurting out were sinking back into the depths of his heart, fostered for another time, another place. 

“Nevermind.” Isa frowned. 

“You were going to say something.” Lea raised his brows. 

“So were you, go ahead.” He said with eyes narrowed. 

Lea crossed his arms childishly, “Nuh-uh you first.” 

“Fine.” There was something. Even if he wasn’t ready for all the words he wanted to say. Something he had kept and been waiting to give back. “I have something for you.”

“Okay?”

“Well, it’s in my room.”

“Works for me, this place is kinda depressing anyhow.” With a flung arm and a dramatic turn, Lea departed the jail. He wasn’t wrong. This whole area was still eerie even without prisoners. Like all the experimented hearts still lingered. And perhaps it was from his time as a nobody but he was pretty sure he could sense a strong presence of darkness still. Isa left as well, trailing behind Lea, glancing one last time at the cell

When they made it to his room, Isa went to his drawers. Opening the top one, and looking at it as Lea watched him quizzically. “So?” Lea asked. So impatient. 

“I kept it in the castle, the other one. I thought they were gone forever.” Isa paused. He hadn’t found them at first. They had been tucked away in a spare black robe. A sentimental relic. He had carried them around a lot near while they were fighting in the Organization. Part of him wanted to just give them back and sever the tie for good. But it was too petty, too final. Sure Lea was chasing the feeling of childhood with his new friends, but it didn’t mean Isa hadn’t missed it as well. And maybe it was fate that he hadn’t lost them after all these years. 

He pulled out two hand decorated frisbees. Color faded slightly but otherwise completely intact. They hadn’t been used since Lea had become Axel and summoned the far more effective chakrams. As foolish as the design was on the frisbees, Isa was pretty sure he preferred them to the chakrams. He definitely preferred them to his own weapon, heavy and hard to control. He had not even tested if he could still summon it now that he regained his heart. 

Eyes widened in shock as Lea took in what he was holding. “What? You kept these? I thought I threw them away when we became nobodies.” 

“You did.” Isa replied with a sheepish look, “I kept them in case you’d ever want them back.”

“Wow, didn’t take you for such a sap.” 

“You clearly are a bad influence.” 

Lea looked down at the frisbees with amazement in his green eyes, before in a rush Isa found himself pinned in a tight embrace. He stiffened at first in shock, Leas arms wrapped tightly around him and they were pressed close, he could feel Lea’s chin pressing into his shoulder. But he relented, letting himself sink into his warmth.

Lea pulled back and and grabbed the discs from Isa hands, looking at them with a grin, “Bet they still work.” 

He was still a little dazed from the hug, still watching Lea turn over the frisbees in his hands looking at them fondly. But he still knew there was something Lea hadn’t told him quite yet. “Alright, don’t think I have forgotten. What is it you were going to tell me?”

Lea looked up. “It’s not important. I’ll tell you later.” But there was a fakeness in that smile. It was an Axel smile and not a Lea one. Whatever it was, it was important. And he was holding it back for some reason. When he had spoke up at the cells, his expression had been a little off. As it if was something Lea thought he didn’t want to hear. His mind jumped to the worst possible scenarios with ease, wondering what sort of bad news he was going to deliver. 

It wasn’t in his nature, but he tried to let it go. He’d tell him later right? “Ice cream?”

“Read my mind friend.” Lea turned and walked out and Isa watched his back hoping he was wrong and whatever he was going to tell him wasn’t all that bad. They left for the town, and he hoped the taste of salty sweet ice cream would ease his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made about a paragraph of additions to the last chapter because the flow was off and I self edit so I don't always catch errors. Still pushing my Isa is very sentimental despite not showing it agenda. Also some angst and other characters to mix things up to come. I have a habit of writing lots of snippets of other chapters while I am trying to write the one I'm on. Thanks for the feedback on everything so far- really means a lot <3


	7. Rehab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even provides Isa with surprising wisdom in addition to medicine.

It was time again for another check up. And another refill. The headaches were more manageable but they definitely hadn’t gone away. Nor had the nightmares. Some days were better than others. The days he spent with Lea were better.  It was harder to get lost in his own thoughts. Otherwise he spent time in his room. His energy levels had increased dramatically since his awakening but were still low. At first just getting up was enough to wipe him out. Now he could at least walk around Radiant Garden before succumbing to exhaustion.

He would have disliked the frequency of these checkups but he welcomed the routine. Anything to break out the doldrums of the transition period. The combination of being restless and wanting to start his new life and being exhausted and not knowing what he wanted was frustrating to say the least. At least Ienzo and Even kept a regular schedule and allowed him to feel productive even when all it seemed he did nowadays was sleep or talk to Lea. Taking care of himself and healing at least felt more productive so even though it would have been something both his younger and Nobody self would have dreaded, his new self welcomed it. 

Upon arriving at the lab he saw that he was not only one who was tired constantly, Even was leaned over the keyboard, clearly passed out. He tentatively tapped his fist against the wall, the sound echoing across the room. It was enough to rouse Even who was now looking over at him, blinking and dazed like a confused animal. 

Isa tilted his head to the door, “Should I come another time?”

“Hm.. No no. Sorry. I haven’t been sleeping much. Been pulling all nighters, I am so close with Naminé after all.” Even rubbed his eyes and rose out of his seat.”

“Where’s Ienzo?” Isa handed him the empty pill bottle and watched as Even busied himself with various supplies littered around the area. 

“Off on some excursion with Ansem. I have to force him to take breaks or he’d be here all the time.”

“Shouldn’t you take breaks as well?” Isa could see Even’s hooded eyes were ringed with a purplish tinge. And he looked older, as if the strain was making the light wrinkles more defined. Of course he was older, but he often didn’t look it but lack of sleep certainly was making it more apparent. 

“Not when I am so close to completing the final part of our plan.” Even replied with a slight upturn to his lips. 

“I hardly feel like I should be included in the credit.” Isa gestured around the lab, “You all have clearly done all the work.” 

“You were never a scientist.” He shrugged, “Not that you aren’t intelligent. You were one of the few who could read my research and still understand. But you lack that curious spark. I noticed that when you first joined as an apprentice. ”  
  


“Politics however, you are quite good at. You played the game well in the Organization and did a lot of work to get there. So whatever work we have done atoning, you were the force that made it possible.”

“Still doesn't feel like enough.” The words fell from his mouth and he was surprised at himself. He didn’t usually just let himself say what was on his mind. He’d always been reserved and controlled. Speaking only when necessary. Lea had been the only one he had ever truly loosed up around. 

Even didn’t say anything at first. Perhaps he was surprised, or just being respectful. Regardless, Isa appreciated it and it put him at ease. Even could be difficult. He was prickly and blunt but devoted to his work. He had never gone out of his way to show it but he had always respected that. 

Even moved over to hand him the now refilled pill bottle, and saw him wince as he turned, “You’re still in pain.”

“Well my injuries were quite intense. Your friend really did a number on me.” Even looked at him harshly, but softened. The emphasis on the words  _ your friend  _ were not lost on him. He was too intelligent to not know that his death at the hands of Axel had been partially due to his maneuverings. As Saïx, desperate to keep climbing the ranks- he knew the threat someone as intelligent and independent Vexen posed. It was the same reason he knew that when he was ready to atone and fix his many wrongs, that he was his best bet. Even’s cared most about his research, and being able to use it a meaningful way was his motivation. The second time around, their intentions were aligned. 

“Yes. Well, there’s... ” Isa ran a finger over the scar cleanly dividing his face. An X. “But thats been there ever since my heart was taken. But there’s slashes and a few burns. But why? We faded into nothing. How were our injuries carried over into recompletion?”

“I am not sure. I think we are the first documented cases like this after all.” Even frowned, “Our current hypothesis is that we have become an amalgamation of our nobody and somebody selves. We retain both the mental and physical of both existences.” Isa nodded. He’d known Even was a talkative man but it was funny thinking how him and Ienzo were so prone to chatter while Aeleus and Dilan were so stoic and silent. Even needed no prompting from him to continue his explanations, it was a relief to have no pressure to continue the conversation quite frankly.  “It’s not unlike the data hearts and hearts trapped in others that had to be combined for Roxas and Naminé. As long as we exist in some form, we seem to have the capacity to grow either our current hearts or develop new ones. And now we are in possession of both our real and somewhat artificially crafted ones from our time as Nobodies.” 

It takes him a moment to process his lengthy exposition, but it all checked out. That weird feeling that he was somehow both himself and not himself. “Hmm.. Makes sense. I don’t feel like my Nobody self is truly gone.”  _ But I wish it was.  _ He doesn’t say it but it would be so much easier if Saïx had actually just disappeared in that graveyard. But he lived with the weight of his sins, the pain of existing as a marked vessel, and the headache that was merging all that into a confusing current existence.

“Yes. So in many ways I am Even again, but the being that was known as Vexen still exists within me. It seems to be the same for us all. ” He put his hand up to his chin in thought. “Of course, that reality would be far harder for those who had significantly different existences in their time as Nobodies.” His expression shifts, focusing more intently on him as if he was now the sole subject of his observations,  “And you of course are a special case. It is clear Xehanort had some sort of hold on your body for some time. I had always found it odd how your appearance changed when ours did not. Perhaps I should have known there was something up with you and Braig.” 

Isa looked at the ground, “You shouldn’t blame yourself for that.”

“Perhaps not. But… I trusted Xehanort over Ansem all because he would allow me to keep diving into the mysteries for the heart. We were foolish men, and I led the way. But I feel guilty for you Ienzo was too young to truly accept the responsibilities of our choices. And for yourself and  _ Lea _ , you were too new and too young for all of this.” 

“I thought you didn’t even like Lea.” He muttered, it was rather childish of him but his barriers were down and it came out against better judgement. 

“It is not matter of like or dislike. He is merely frustrating at times. He acts on emotion not logic for someone like me that is not easy. Surely you can understand that?”

He opened his mouth to respond. But was unable to choose just what to say. He’d never had such an open conversation with this man. And it was trickier navigating these kind of talks. Only with Lea did he seem to have any sort of success speaking so honestly about his thoughts and feelings. But something was telling him that shift of topic to Lea was rather deliberate on Even’s part, although he really wasn’t sure why. Surely not another remark on his hand in his death, but it really did not feel like thats where this was going this time.

“I am a scientist.” Even raised an eyebrow, staring at him with an uncanny gaze.  “Despite my focus on the heart there is still very much beyond my grasp. Emotions are hardly my area of expertise but anyone who would go to that lengths for another. Well, it does not take years of studying to be able to tell he’s important to you.” 

It really struck Isa that he may have known this man for years he didn’t really know Even. He had spent years with Vexen, but just as there were parts of him that he felt were distinctly  _ Isa  _ there must be some of Even he has not had a chance to know. Less cold and unfeeling. Still clinical but more understanding than he expected. Quietly, he replied with a simple, “Yeah he is.”

“Good. Keep those people close. I have studied this field long enough to know you’ll need it more than those pills. I can tell you have a lot to figure out. All of us do.” His tone was fatherly, which was surprising until Isa realized he had forgotten that in many ways Even had been a father figure to Ienzo. So maybe this was what he should have expected, paternal guidance from a strange source but a far better one than his actual father. And the strange change of subject made some sense, it was a roundabout way of dishing out advice, but fitting of the personality of its giver. Cold and clinical but underneath that there was a lot more caring than he had known. He had not even considered that when he sought him out for his plan, but without that compassion he was pretty sure it never would have worked out as well as it did. 

“Well if anyone is going to figure things out I am sure you will be involved in some capacity.” Isa smiled slightly, something he wasn't sure he'd ever down in Even or Vexen's presence. Funny how they seemed to come more frequently since he reawakening. Maybe the combination of hearts residing within him had softened him somehow. 

He noticed Even clenching his fist around some of the fabric of his labcoat. “Of course I’ll try. But I do not know if even I can find those answers. This is no experiment I plan on ever replicating. So we will never know if there is a better way to handle all this.”

Isa exhaled sharply in what was almost a laugh but his words were sincere. “Well, you should get some sleep.” 

“That is sound advice.” Even let loose a yawn he suspected had been held in for a while. 

Isa headed to the exit, hesitating before rounding the turn, “Will you let me know how it goes with Naminé?”

“Of course. Keep your phone on you, I have a feeling it will be soon.” Even had that arrogant look once again that paired with his exhaustion screamed mad scientist. But he knew better now, there was more to Even than that. And while he was thankful for the drugs, he was more thankful for the feeling of peace that conversation had granted him. Isa left and headed to his room, hoping that peaceful feeling would translate into a nightmare free rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kind of aligns with my headcanon that Isa and Lea were not apprentices long at all and were not as compliant I guess as the apprentices were when everything went down. But... I want more Radiant Garden backstory... please. Anyhow, I really wanted to give Even some more time especially since we only got one scene in KH3 despite them plotting together so they deserve to have some time to actually bond and feel good that their plan succeeded.


	8. Reluctance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa finds out what Lea had been reluctant to tell him.

“How was your appointment?” Lea asked as he finished off his second sea salt ice cream. Well, second he had sitting here looking up at the stars from their ledge at the castle. He had spent the day with Roxas and Xion in Twilight Town so there was no telling how many he had consumed there. Perhaps he should be asking Even and Ienzo the effects of ingesting that much sugar on a daily basis on the body. Of course Lea was rail thin despite his terrible diet. Since being teens it seemed like all he had done to grow was stretch vertically and nothing else.     


“You remembered? It was fine. Nothing of note.” Isa shrugged looking up at the clear night, stars all across the deep blue and the strong light of the moon nearing full. “The headaches are getting better.” 

“And the nightmares?” Lea was rubbing his head, that familiar nervous tic he had since they were kids. He had not wanted to tell him about the dreams. But after Lea had walked in on him twitching and muttering fearfully in his sleep one night, Isa had no choice but to admit to them. The details of those nightmares had been spared. Lea wouldn’t understand. The yellow eyes, the bars of darkness drawing closer and closer until they were wrapped around him cutting off his movement and breath and a voice reminding him that he belonged to him. Of course, there were variations of this nightmare but the core remained the same. No matter what he was trapped. 

“Off and on.” Lea’s forehead knitted in concern, but Isa decided to swiftly cut him off before more questions were asked. The nightmares were his own and he’d deal with them. Talking about them was not high on his list of priorities. “You have been so worried about me. You’ve never discussed how you were after recompleting. Surely you had some sort of lingering effects.”

“I uhh..” Lea rubbed his head again. “Well, to be quite honest I didn’t really give myself much time to think about it when I woke up. I went to look for you.”

“You did?” Eyes widened in surprise. He’d actually looked for him… He knew he hadn’t forgotten but the fact he actually went to find him. Of course he did find him but clashing in battle was hardly a happy reunion.

“Well, yeah. Everyone else was there. Well not Braig obviously. But you should have been there. We lost our hearts in the same place after all.” Now there was a memory he had avoided for quite some time. 

Isa tilted his head, brows raised. “And somehow looking for me led to you joining the heroes and getting a keyblade.” He’d assumed that Roxas was the one that led him down that path. That he was looking for Sora and not him. But maybe it was a little bit of both. The darkness within him as Saix had convinced him that Lea wouldn’t even have noticed that he wasn’t there when he awoke. Knowing that wasn’t the case made his newly recompleted heart feel lighter.

“Well, It’s a long story.” Lea said with a small  laugh, leaning back on the ledge they sat on. His face turned to the stars, pale skin and red hair washed in moonlight.  Isa couldn’t help but marvel at the sight before composing himself and responding. 

“I’m sure.” He didn’t really need to elaborate. He knew how it ended up. Remembered the clash of metal on metal as he saw Lea’s (and not Axel’s) face for the first time since they were kids. Even though he had been buried under Xehanort’s control at the time, the look of shock on Lea’s face was etched in his memories.  “But you avoided the question, did you not have any complications when you woke up?” 

Lea rubbed his right side rather conspicuously,  “Oh, just some burns.” Isa had heard how he had gone out in a blaze taking out lesser nobodies for Sora, so that checked out but why that would just be on his side he didn’t know.. Lea shrugged and lowered his eyes,  “Beyond that just lots of guilt I guess. But I just kinda used that as motivation.” He held up his wooden stick to the stars, “Had to get everyone I lost back before I could think of anything else.” 

Of course being people again would come so much easier to Lea. Lea had not been possessed. And had acted as if he had a heart for most of their time as Nobodies. Isa had ignored all of those feelings, believing Xemnas at his word that those feelings were merely echoes of what it felt like to have a heart. Maybe it was no wonder Isa was struggling so much more. But even so he wished Lea would at least share at least some of his struggles. Not that he wanted to commiserate and bemoan their lost years, but maybe moving forward would be a little easier. But those were conversations he was so bad at starting. Talking about feelings came so naturally to Lea, he’s always been a little jealous of how easily that came to him. But while Lea was good at vocalizing his emotions, Isa had always been good at reading them. And he could tell this was a topic Lea was done with, he’d have to ask another time. 

“You never told me what you were gonna say the other day you know.” Isa looked over at him, placing his finger by his head, “I haven’t forgotten you know.” He kept it playful, no use telling him that the worry of just what he had to say had been hanging in the back of his mind for days. It didn’t help that he could see Lea chewing on his lip before responding. 

“Well, I ….” Lea looked pointedly at the sky, “Now that you’re doing better, I wanted to spend a bit more time in Twilight Town. Roxas and Xion are cleaning up that old mansion and I kinda wanted to help. It just might be more than a few days.” He’d been going on day trips to Twilight Town of course, but a majority of his time was still spent here, in his old apprentice room. Isa had sensed it had been out of obligation to him, and it seemed he wasn’t wrong.

“This isn’t home to you anymore.” Isa said with a sigh, no questioning in his voice. It was really just a confirmation of something he already suspected after all.    


“No. I mean… yes. I don’t know Isa.” Lea turned to him, pain etched in the lines between his eyes. “Being with you, here feels like it. But that’s it. This castle, this town, I just can’t help but think of all the bad stuff that happened here. “

“I understand. You should go, I’ll be okay.” It was still painful to hear. And on some levels he did get it. After all he felt the same about his old home with his family. That was never really home. But neither was the barren room in the castle, or the similar one he had in the world in between. But when he had pictured getting his heart back and going  _ home  _ he’d always pictured Radiant Garden. Well, Radiant Garden  _ with  _ Lea. Maybe Lea was the only thing he had left that was home. But if Lea saw somewhere else as home… what did that mean for him?

“I’m still going to be here for you. I just… didn’t want you to feel abandoned if I spent some more time over there.” It was a loaded statement. Hidden within it an admission of guilt, of the fact in many ways he had done just that back in the Organization. But also a hint of a promise of that never happening again. 

They sat in silence for some time, eyes darting to one another but never quite meeting up. It was a heavy silence, hanging over them awkwardly unlike the easy silences they normally shared. It was a silence wanting to be filled but neither knew how to. 

Isa stood up finally breaking the quiet tension, “I’m going to go to bed.”

“Oh.” Lea looked down at his hands, “Are you…?” Mad, sad, angry, upset, confused? Lea didn’t finish the question but it did not really matter because Isa didn’t know how he felt. In his time as Saix he grew so accustomed to pushed emotions away, believing them to be false and letting them fester into the darkest recesses. In these weeks after reawakening, he realized piecing through his emotions took time. And complicated ones like this needed a little extra. At times, it was frustrating. But it was also a relief even having feelings to sort through. Lea spending time with his other friends didn’t bother him in the same way it used to, that much he could tell. And that in itself made him far less worried. "Do you want me to walk with you?" Lea asks after the long pause between them full of pointedly avoided eye contact. 

“No. I just need to think.” Isa offers a weak but soft smile and placed his hand on Lea’s shoulder. He gave it a light squeeze before slowly pulling away and heading off to return to his room. He doesn’t hear footsteps behind him, and he wondered how long Lea would sit out there alone. 

Lea had become his emotional crutch in many ways after reawakening. Maybe some time apart would give him a chance to really figure his new life out. Figure out how to talk to Roxas and Xion. Figure out what he wanted. Figure out where he wanted to be. He knew the pain of thinking he lost Lea, but this didn’t feel like before when it was like his friend was slipping farther and farther away from him. He actually felt closer than before. They weren’t quite on the same page like they used to be. But at least it felt like they were in the same book, not completely different ones like they were in the Organization. 

Isa lay down in his spartan bed in his room in the apprentices quarters. A few lonely days laying in bed and staring at his ceiling were nothing to look forward to but Isa could only hope he’d have it in him to figure out all the things that were weighing on him. He didn’t want to be a burden, someone Lea needed to take care of. And he wanted to muster the courage to finish what he started. Promises to keep and amends to make. 

Sleep finally caught up with him, and instead of nightmares of being trapped- he dreamt of chasing a warm red light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep talks while sitting on some ledge eating sea salt ice cream is clearly the best way to sort out all your problems right?


	9. Reconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa prepares for Lea's absence which isn't as hard as he expected.

Isa woke to sunbeams reaching from the window to his bed. He remembered the conversation from last night and remembered it would be a few days before he’d see Lea again. It made sense, after all he was pretty sure Lea had spent entirely too much time going back and forth. Desperately trying to spend time with both him and his other friends. He didn’t want to keep pulling him apart like that. Lea had been vague about how long it would be, and Isa had no real idea how long it would take to clean up the mansion. The only time he spent in that town was when he had searched for Axel after his defection. He tried to avoid those memories. Thinking about being Saïx triggered headaches and nausea and made it all too difficult to get through the day. For now pushing those thoughts to another day was the best he could do.

Isa did realize how empty his days would be without his almost daily meetups with Lea. He didn’t even have any checkups with Even and Ienzo. And he doubted they wanted any interruptions. They were dead set on finishing their work on recompleting Naminé after all. Even had said he was no scientist, and that was all too correct. There was really no place for him in the lab. His apprenticeship was essentially a facade after all. Being a nuisance was hardly high on his priority list.

There was always napping the day away, an option he had taken quite often in those early weeks. But he wasn’t tired for once. He was full of restless energy and a desire to do something but what… he wasn’t sure. He got up and got dressed at the very least. But all of that effort and he found himself just sitting on the edge of his bed, still at a loss of what to do. What on earth had he filled his days with before all of this started happening? Before the sneaking into the castle cascaded into this whole ordeal. Well he did have his box of memories, as sappy as it was maybe it would spark some sort of idea of how to spend his time. So he pulled the box out from under the bed, and started pulling some photos and other little mementos out. But before he could get lost in thoughts of his youth he was interrupted.

The door opened without a knock. Which usually meant nothing. Lea never knocked. But Lea also wasn’t supposed to still be here.

“Getting sentimental over me already Isa?” Lea smiled cheekily at him and he was almost tempted to throw the whole box to wipe the smug look off his face, “I’m so flattered.”

Isa narrowed his eyes, “I thought you were headed to Twilight Town.”

“Well I came to say goodbye since it’s going to be several days and all. Didn’t really get a chance last night” He shrugged still grinning obnoxiously.

Isa’s lips curved up slightly, “Fine, goodbye then.”

“Ouch.” Lea faked as if he’d been struck before making his way and sat next to him on the bed. He set the box to the side, he didn’t need the old photos now. Bantering with Lea was more than enough to set his mind back in those days. Although the purpose of this goodbye visit seemed a little off judging that Lea was still here and had yet to actually say goodbye.

“Let me see your gummiphone.” Isa grabbed the device off his bedside table and passed it off to Lea. Who knew what he wanted with it. He had honestly still barely touched the thing. Ienzo sent him alerts for appointments but those didn’t warrant a response. And he saw Lea everyday so they hadn’t even bothered with it.

“You haven’t changed your background.”

“I didn’t realize that was a thing that could be done.” He had a suspicion that Lea had not discovered that fact on his own and had very likely been taught by Roxas and Xion. No use pointing it out though.

“Of course. It’s gotta a camera you know.” Lea tapped and swiped around the phone, clearly picking up on how little he had used the thing. “Wasn’t sure you knew since you clearly haven’t used it.”

“Just what am I supposed to take pictures of?” Isa sighed, his words dripping with sarcasm “The ceiling of my bedroom?”

“Oh don’t be sucha downer. I’m gonna teach you how to take a selfie so you can show me you did more than just mope around here.” Lea teased in return but Isa did not miss concern in his eyes. Was this his not so subtle way of still checking up on him while he was gone?

“C’mon get up we gotta get the light from the window.” Isa held back his questions on when he became such a master photographer. Plenty of the pictures in the box on his bed proved he certainly did not used to be. Granted that was an old junky camera he bought from a second hand shop and not a brand new piece of technology.

Lea stood up and held out his hand, pulling Isa to his feet and dragging him over where the light from the window was coming in. He stretched out one arm angling the screen to their face. With his other he reached around Isa’s shoulder and brought him in close, pressing their faces together. A click and a flash and Lea turned back the phone to evaluate his work.

“You’re not very good at this are you?” Lea frowned, “Well whatever, now you’ve got a background. No need to look at all these old photos of us being embarrassing kids.”

“Yes, a selfie of embarrassing adults is clearly such an improvement.” He reached out his hand for his phone.

Lea placed it on his hand, fingers grazing as he shook his head, “Why are we friends again?”

 “Sometimes I really don’t know.” Isa grabbed his phone and looked at the picture again. It wasn’t good of either of them really. Lea was smiling too wide and his eyes were squinting in the sunlight. Isa wasn’t even looking at the camera, his eyes were turned to Lea with a smile that was an equal combo of amused and annoyed. But still it felt right. And it made the little device actually feel like his. He smiled and placed the phone in his pocket.

Lea tilted his head to the door. “Well I guess I better be off.”

“Don’t crash the ship again.” He was pretty sure Lea regretted telling him about his landing in the Twilight Town forest that resulted in banging up the gummiship considerably and a lecture from some of the heroes about how he wouldn’t be allowed to use the ship if he was reckless. According to Lea, Roxas and Xion had laughed as hard as he had at the tale.

“Hey that was one time.” Lea put his hands on his hips defiantly. And Isa wasn’t sure if it was the familiar banter or fact he was leaving but a rush of affection came over him. He was not an impulsive person but found himself sliding his arms in the triangular gaps around Lea and pulling him in. He wrapped his arms around his back and pulled him in close. Lea didn’t skip and beat and quickly followed suit, wrapping his arms around Isa in return. Lea’s hand on his back and one twisted in his hair almost made him pull back, the surge of some sort of fiery feeling overwhelming him for a moment. They had hugged a few times since his awakening and they had all been slightly overwhelming. This was the first time Isa had initiated, and somehow that made the pressure in his chest increase. When they pulled apart, he still felt a little disoriented. A hug shouldn’t do that, it shouldn’t send his newfound heart into some sort of a spiral.

“Take care of yourself Isa.” Lea gave him a silly salute like wave, another silly mannerism from childhood. “Give me the word and I’ll be back in a flash.”

Isa flipped his hair back over his shoulder, “Hmm.. I’m sure I’ll be just fine.”

There was a pause and and some longer than necessary wordless eye contact before Lea actually went out the door and left. And when he did it took Isa a little time to move, his head and heart still spinning.  
\---

After Lea’s departure, he settled on a walk around town. He had not spent much time out of the castle. He really tried to avoid interaction with anyone else beyond the apprentices and Lea. But if he was supposed to take pictures he might as well find some new scenery.

Luckily the square wasn’t too crowded, perhaps everyone was already inside eating dinner or something. The sun was getting close to setting after all. His sense of time was really lacking, how he had let the whole day slip away he had no idea.

The town was getting close to its former beauty. The gardens and brick work just as they were when he was a kid. The damage of the heartless still lurked in the unfinished portions, a reminder of just what this place had gone through. The darkness that enveloped this world, his home, for all those years. It was familiar and brand new all at once.

Barely into his walk, Isa felt a vibration in his pocket and the chirping of some electronic tune he didn’t recognize. He realized he had never answered a call from in before but assumed pressing the green button would be the correct way. The ID told him it was Lea calling, why he was calling so soon after leaving he had no idea.

The picture took a minute to focus, and he saw Lea with that distinctive Twilight Town architecture and the usual red orange glow of the sunset behind him, “Hey Isa.”

“Really Lea, it’s not even been a few hours.” He adjusted the phone to better capture his face, holding it awkwardly in front on him.

“Yeah yeah, and are you actually out of your room. Now I am surprised.”

“If you called just to make fun of me I am going to hang up.”

“Oh lighten up Isa, you make fun of me all the time.”

“Can’t help it when you make it so easy.” Isa felt self conscious standing in public just staring at this hunk of technology. He was well aware how silly he looked just smiling at the little device as they bantered back and forth just as if they were back in the same world.

“Taken any pictures yet?”

 “No. It’s only been a few hours Lea.” Isa saw a few other people walking about and made his way to a more isolated part near the gates of the castle. This whole thing was making him rather self conscious.

“Well don’t forget. I’ll take some too. We can compare when I come back next week.”

“Oh joy.” Isa rolled his eyes.

“Hey sound a little more excited. It’s a date alright?”

“Sure Lea.” A date huh? Whatever that meant. At least it was something to look forward to when this week was up. “You know I’ll never be able to take any photos if you stay on the phone right.”

“Yeah yeah, I got some sea salt ice cream calling my name anyhow.” Lea smirked, and Isa assumed he was on his way to buy ice cream for the others and meet on the clock tower. He wondered if it would be a little too sad to go to their overlook at the castle and eat ice cream by himself.

“Of course you do.”

“See ya Isa.”

“See ya Lea.” He felt like less of a fool smiling at his phone as he pressed the red button on screen and hung up. And he didn’t even bother checking around him as he angled the front camera and took a shot of him in front of the castle. It was nothing special, he wasn’t even smiling. But there was something nice about seeing his face with green eyes and rounded ears. Of course he’s seen a mirror but something about this seemed a little more real. Maybe Lea wasn’t so off with this whole picture taking endeavor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lea coming in without knocking is my callback to Saix never knocking in Days. That level of familiarity with each other is just neat. Also I am forever thankful phones are canon in the kingdom hearts universe now.


	10. Reconsider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa runs into Ienzo and rethinks his life in Radiant Garden

“Oh hello Isa!” Ienzo’s cheery voice startled him, almost dropping his phone onto the cobblestones. He had been angling his camera for a shot of the fountains. Not a selfie because something about looking at his own face for prolonged periods of time filled him with a weird sort of unease. Maybe it was habit. He had avoided reflective surfaces in his days as Saix, not wanting to be confronted with his new face, scarred with amber eyes and pointed ears. Now at least his eyes and ears were back to their old rounded shape. The X shaped scar remained. That was a part of his past he couldn’t escape. And maybe that past was what made looking at his own face so weird, filling him with an unnease he really couldn’t explain. 

“Oh Ienzo, I didn’t see you.” Isa frowned, the light was no longer hitting the spray in the same appealing way so that the light split out into colors. With a small sigh he pocketed the phone, it didn’t seem worth it anymore. He’d have to figure out another photo.

Ienzo was smiling brightly, “Apologies. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“No worries. It wasn’t important. What brings you out of the laboratory?”

“One of Even’s mandatory breaks. He insists on me getting out every few hours. Although, he doesn’t take any breaks himself.”

“Well all of you deserve some breaks.” He felt a little guilty despite setting the wheels in motion on this plan, he was doing all the resting while the others worked endlessly. “Is he getting some sleep?” 

“Yes. The progress is actually going well. We even have visitors coming tomorrow that should help us finish.”

“Visitors?” Brows furrowed, did he mean…    


“Riku and Kairi.”

“The hero of light’s friends. But if Kairi has returned does that mean…?” 

He shook his head slowly. “Still no word on Sora. Honestly, he wasn’t brought up and I was afraid to ask. ” Ienzo looked uncharacteristically deflated. His tone was sad and Isa wondered what his connection to the keyblade hero was. He must have had some contact in his time after reawakening. Incredible the impact that kid seemed to have on everyone he met. 

Lea and him didn’t speak much on matters regarding Sora, it was past the little bubble they had confined themselves in since his reawakening. They never had discussed it, but both treaded softly, focusing on each other. Even mentions of Roxas and Xion kept to a minimum. It was easier that way for them, to mend the past little by little, but it didn’t stop everything else from existing. Healthy or not, he was just happy they were talking without bickering once more. They’d get there. 

Isa did know that Sora had gone missing in search of Kairi. And that Lea was concerned for both of them. Especially Kairi, he had seemed to form a close bond with her during training. Apparently she had come from Radiant Garden as well, but Isa certainly did not remember her. Of course her being 10 years their junior meant it really wasn’t that surprising. Lea said he had a feeling they had run into her and judging that Lea talked to everyone he didn’t rule it out. 

Ienzo still looked pensive, eyes looking down, much more like Zexion than his current self. Isa knew he was hardly a good person for comfort. Not the person you turned to bare your feelings. Which was why Lea being his friend was so baffling at times. When they were little and Lea used to cry, he would feel so helpless never knowing the right words to say. So he drew those marks, the upside down tears, telling Lea they would stop him from crying. As if those little marks could do the job that he as his friend was supposed to. They just rubbed off of course, not permanent until he was able to make them stay with magic when they became nobodies. 

Of course none of that was helpful. His deep understanding of Lea did not quite translate here, Or maybe it did. Lea had a way with people that he lacked. But he could always just imitate what Lea would do in this situation. Maybe it wasn’t words he needed at all. 

“Do you want to get some ice cream? Since it is your break and all.” He attempted a smile, but it didn’t come natural, his lips just barely upturned but he hoped it was at least a genuine and friendly look. 

Despite the hair covering his face, Isa could see Ienzo’s face brighten, a big smile and squinted eyes. Maybe Lea had something with the whole ice cream solves everything deal. “That would be perfect! An excellent idea.” He remembered Ienzo as a quiet kid, silently treading in Even or Ansem’s shadow around. Such a difference from the bright young adult he saw now. Talkative and friendly. Ienzo commented on the construction and the flowers remarking how they were the same types as before. He never really noticed, but he was pretty sure if he pulled out the photographs from his childhood they would be near identical to the gardens and fountains surrounding them now. They walked around the town before taking a seat on a ledge facing the castle. Ienzo continued to chat while Isa gave short answers and nods, still too lost in his thoughts to fully contribute. 

Ienzo’s change from a solemn kid to an amiable young man was baffling to him. And he never really gave it pause for thought, but sitting with him now he realized just why he just couldn’t let the thought slip his mind. Ienzo has grown up as a Nobody, grown from child to man as Zexion under the guise of lacking a heart. That kind of past should make you bitter and angry, right? His time as Saix had turned him into that kind of person. What secret had he had? Not being possessed probably helped but he still felt as if he was some sort of failure for coming out of this for the worst. Lea had become a keyblade wielder, a hero. Even, Dilan, and Aeleus all seemed to be happier than he remembered them before all of this. So where did that leave him. 

“Can’t believe we finally are home.” Ienzo was looking up at the castle, the expression on his face warm and fond. He clearly did not see it as full of bad memories like Lea had. “All back together, after all those years I had begun to doubt it was even possible.”

Isa looked down at the stick remaining from his ice cream, “Yeah… I was not sure I would actually make it back.” Part of him didn’t want to look up at the castle. Ever since his talk with Lea he realized how conflicted he was. Logically this place was home. The world he was born and raised. But after all that happened, all those years, all he felt was some sort of longing. Hoping that the home he had worked for gave him all he wanted. But it didn’t always feel that way.  _ Was this what he wanted? _ A question that plagued his restless days locked in his room. And buried deeper a question he hated to acknowledge. He had always resented the uglier parts of himself, the insecurity and jealousy. But that part of him also questioned,  _ Did he even deserve a second chance? _

“All of us. Well almost.” He paused, surely thinking of the fact Briag was MIA and Xehanort was obviously not part of this either. “All of these years, no matter what happened as Nobodies, there must be something bonding us together after all.” 

_ Us… _ huh. So he really did consider Isa as part of the apprentices. Despite his tenure with them being significantly shorter. He knew Ienzo was an orphan and that he considered the other apprentices his family. But did he really consider himself and Lea as part of that? Especially after what happened in the Organization, that was surprising. “You may be right.” 

Isa shuffled awkwardly as he remembered the photo he had been planning to take when he had run into Ienzo. His brain planting a little seed of something he would definitely not think of on his own. Lea really had dug himself in his head somehow. It was infuriating but as stubborn as he was relenting to the idea seemed easier.

Isa reached into his pocket and gripped his phone as he braced himself to let loose the idea that had been bouncing around in his head, conveniently heard by his brain in Lea’s voice. “I have… an odd request of you.”

“Hmm, what is it Isa?” He seemed a little surprised, Ienzo must be aware it was rather unlike him to be so roundabout. 

“Can we… uh… take a photo together?” He could feel his nose scrunch as he asked the question in awkward staccato. Spine stiffened, grateful he knew Ienzo well enough that at least he would not be mocked for this ridiculous request to ask of another grown man. 

Ienzo did chuckle but it was not a derisive one. He really just seemed amused, which allowed Isa’s muscle to relax and join in with a small laugh of his own. “Of course. Good to see the gummiphone being put to good use. How should we stand?”

“Well I am no expert. This is more Lea’s domain.” 

“This does seem more like him. Are you expanding your horizons by taking up his hobbies?”

“Something like that.” Isa grinned, and it wasn’t even a struggle this time. 

“Well, I do think having the castle in the back would make for the best composition, no?”

“Agreed. The shuffled around, standing shoulder to shoulder, Isa extending his left arm out with the phone facing them, maneuvering to get them both in frame. That did involve a little ducking on his part, Ienzo was quite a bit shorter, but he finally got it. Turning the phone he saw the castle in the background, a tad off center but not bad. Ienzo’s head was tilted with a bright smile and looking at himself he exhaled. There was an easy and relaxed smile on his face. The taught lines and golden stare that had become ingrained in his memory gone. This was the real him. He saved the photo, now somehow his phone had more than one photo of himself he actually liked. The picture with him and Lea still set as his background, he gave that one a glance before pocketing his phone once more. 

“Well, I best be getting back to work in the lab. Surely Even will let me back in now.” 

“You never know. But I am heading back to my room, I’ll walk with you.” They walked back, still idly chattering about this and that. Isa looked up at the castle as they approached. It felt different now. Maybe it wasn’t home in a traditional sense, but it was a important little piece of this new life. Growing up he felt disconnected from his own family, his one lifeline was his only friend Lea and their plans. He didn’t see the castle like he did as a kid, or as he would as Saix, the man named Isa was seeing something familiar and yet completely different. 

When he finally parted paths with Ienzo, he found himself once more in bed staring at the ceiling. This afternoon had been exhausting, as most social excursions seemed to be. But instead of feeling empty, he felt full. On the surface, it was just ice cream and a silly selfie but somehow it had turned his thoughts to lighter ones than the usual dark ones that clouded him when he was aline. This new life wasn’t just a second chance, it was a different life. After all, Ienzo and him must be considered friends now. Even was some sort of parental figure, albeit a slightly cold one. And maybe Even was right, despite the past he shared with the other apprentices, they really were a family in some sort of convoluted twist of events. One that despite all its strangeness and shortcomings, felt more real than his actual one ever had.    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohh sorry for the long delay. Life stuff and getting back into ff14 slowed me up a bit. I did outline and write a bit for the next 4 or so chapters though so should be able to update a little more frequently (: I also have a trajectory for the overall story. Still don't know if I'd call it a plot since it will definitely still meander and focus on little day to day things since that it the point but it is going places with other places and other characters because that what Isa deserves.


	11. Received

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa and Riku officially meet.

Waking up before your alarm was a special kind of hell. Even worse when it was before dawn, the crickets of the night instead of the chirping of morning birds could be heard through his open window. Isa tossed and turned, trying desperately to find some position that could lure him back in to sleep. But as soon as he sunk into a new position the restlessness struck and he shifted around to another. But he was not a glutton for punishment and accepted that sleep was not coming. It was hardly his first time, so many nights he had been awoken by nightmares so in a way he counted himself lucky that was not the case this time. Isa turned and faced the ceiling and tried to temper the annoyance prickling under his skin by distracting himself with other thoughts. 

He wondered what Lea was doing now. He was not even sure how time worked in that town. The endless night of the world in between made it near impossible to distinguish night from day and a world of endless twilight seemed as if it would carry the same sort of issues. So while Lea could just be sleeping, he preferred to imagine he was cleaning the mansion right now. While he could imagine Lea in most situations, the other two were tricky. In the Organization he had never seen them as people, Roxas and Xion were tools to him. What irony that he was the tool the whole time, and those kids far more clever than himself. 

He remembered once as Saïx seeing them all laugh together and feeling an ache in the space a heart was supposed to be, a heart that was no longer his own. But now the idea of those three laughing didn’t result in the anger that had settled in before. Now it was something else… guilt, sadness, regret. An amalgamation of emotions all that he didn’t have the ability to untangle. Not quite yet. His newly reformed heart could only take so much at a time. But he could at least imagine them laughing. Lea’s green eyes crinkling up and bending over slightly, that devilish smile lingering after. Roxas and Xion’s eyes bright as they all laughed together, something that was never supposed to be possible. The image calmed him, and while sleep may be far out of his reach he found himself at peace as sun beams started peaking through his window. 

What did surprise him was a chirp from his phone. He did not bother setting any alarm, but he figured it may be Lea so he picked it up and glanced at the message. 

_ When you wake up would you mind stopping by the lab? -Ienzo  _

Strange. He didn’t have an appointment and was not close to running out of his medication. He respected them enough to stay out of the way of what was going on. It did not sound urgent, so there was always the option to stay in bed longer and go at his own discretion. But he could not deny he was curious as to why he was being summoned. So instead he rose and got dressed. No point lingering and letting his happy thoughts turn into sour ones as they often did. Despite not moving with any urgency, he found himself ready rather quickly and already heading from his room to the lab. 

When he arrived, he was greeted by a chipper Ienzo, “Ah Isa, we have guests for you to meet.” His greeting was followed by a grunt from Even who was pouring over some notes and clearly not ready for silly things like greetings. 

Ansem was not there as he usually was, but instead there were two teenagers whom he instantly recognized.  _ The guests _ . The girl was easy, stomach sunk as he remembered his time as Saïx once more, he had kidnapped her once after all. But the redhead standing before him was not the same one who was willing to try and take him on weaponless back then. The fire in her eyes was replaced with something different, a void that he recognized all too well from his mirror in the castle. Had the loss of Sora affected her so… 

The other teenager was silver haired, carrying himself with confidence and an unreadable expression on his face. He stood behind the girl protectively.  _ Riku _ . The keyblade master and the boys best friend. Unlike the girl, he could see light and determination in his eyes. He had been quite the talk of the Organization, donning their cloak and avoiding them expertly. A bunch of adults thwarted by a teenager desperate to save and protect his friend. Funny… the power that had. The same power that he used himself to find his new purpose. 

Riku’s eyes widened upon seeing him. “Oh you’re…”

“Isa.” He interrupted swiftly. He hardly wanted to conjure memories of his past self, especially with Kairi there. 

Riku stared at him seriously, looking far older than he actually was, “So, you are one of the ones who helped get the replica bodies for Roxas and Xion.”

Isa nodded, “Yes. Although, I would say Even played the largest role.”   


“Oh and Demyx!” Ienzo chipped in, still engrossed on the computer with Even looking thoughtfully over his shoulder. He looked far more rested than their last encounter. 

“Where’s Ansem?” Isa asked. 

Ienzo finished whatever he was doing on the computer with a flourish before answering.“Ansem and Even have been taking turns resting. It took some convincing from me, but I finally convinced them of the importance of sleep to our discoveries here.” He grinned, before gesturing to the girl, “Kairi, fi you do not mind, we would like to take some vitals before we begin.” Ienzo gently led her to a chair, all she gave was a weak smile in return. 

Even looked at Ienzo with a fond and almost fatherly expression before turning to the boy. “It’s going to take us a little bit Riku. Why don’t you have Isa show you around town?” 

Isa catches the teen give Ienzo a confused look. One that likely matched his own. Surely this keyblade master did not need a tour of a world he has no likely been to in his many adventures. But neither of them questioned it and made their way silently out of the castle. 

Riku broke the silence as they walked through the fountains outside of the castle, “This place is so different from when I came here the first time.” 

“I’ve heard there’s a group working to restore it, but I’ve not been out of the castle often.”

“You grew up here right? My friend is from here.”

“Yes.” He was pretty sure he meant the princess of heart. Kairi. Isa paused watching at the light caught the sunbeams, “I was here when it fell to darkness. When everyone was displaced and our memories warped to remember it as Hollow Bastion.”

“This is where I met Ansem.” Isa knew he was not referring to the leader of this place, but the heartless of Xehanort, the seeker of darkness. Riku’s eyebrows were knitted, clearly as unpleasant of a memory for him as the memory of losing his heart was for him. Both had been far too young for what they had faced.

“You have been through a lot for someone so young.” It was easy to recognize, he had as well. After all, he was one of the few people who understood what it was like to be taken by Xehanort. Riku had fought back, got his body and self back. Isa wondered…. If he would have been able to fight back sooner if he had not lost his heart. 

“It’s been a long journey. But I’ve had someone to guide me.” Riku smiled softly, holding his hand over his heart. Isa did not know why he knew, but he was sure he was talking about Sora. 

“Is he… Sora… still missing?’ Isa was almost afraid to ask. 

“Yes. But I’ll find a way to bring him back. I know it. Just like he brought me back.” He thought about Lea, and his reckless determination to bring them all back. Isa smiled to himself, maybe they had that same kind of friendship. The one where no matter what, you always found your way back to each other. 

They meandered through the gardens, and despite their unfamiliarity with one another, the silence was oddly comfortable. As if their shared traumas had created some bond before even meeting. 

“I should see if we have been summoned back yet.” Isa said as he pulled out his gummiphone- no notifications but his gaze lingered on the screen. He wondered once again what Lea was doing right now, and if he was thinking about him. Because somehow even talking to Riku who was absolutely nothing like Lea, made him think about him. He was too wrapped up, he did not even notice Riku watching him carefully. 

“It takes a lot of strength of heart to fight back against that kind of darkness. How’d you do it?” Riku asked, almost too casually. 

Isa sighed as he fiddled with a sunflower, running his thumb across the seeds. “I needed to atone. I hurt a lot of people. But there was someone important I needed to make it up to, all the wrong that I have done.”

“That’s what I thought.” Riku smiled, “You did for someone who is precious to you. I once hurt someone who I cared about, someone who is precious to me. Who saved me at my weakest. And I have been trying to make it right ever since.”

Isa marveled at the teen. Here he was an adult struggling through all of this and here was this 17 year old who had clearly been through hell and somehow came crawling out this self assured keyblade master. And that fondness in his voice, it was so clear how much he cared for Sora. Believed in Sora, trusted him implicitly. 

“Have you ever been to Destiny Islands?” Riku asked, abruptly shifting the conversations. 

“No. I was an advisor in the Organization. I assigned missions to other worlds but did not go myself.” Isa frowned, those were the days he was not eager to remember. Serving as Xemas’ pet while deluding himself into thinking he was fighting back. Days where he watched as Lea slipped farther and farther away from him.    


“ _ Hmm... _ . Well I want to bring everyone there. I already talked to Lea about it. You should come with us. Once Naminé is back.”

Isa wanted to question why he was being included in this. It seemed far more like a party for the warriors of light. “I… I will think about it.” Riku gave him a knowing glance before the sounds of footsteps distracted them both. 

Even and Ienzo were approaching, Kairi in tow. “We are all finished.” Even announced. 

Kairi gave another weak smile. But everything about her posture looked defeated. This was not the girl who had been willing to take him on weaponless back in his days as Saix. Shoulders sagged and there was a weariness in her eyes that looked all too familiar. 

“Well we best be off.” Riku was watching Kairi carefully. 

Kairi nodded and walked towards their ship parked outside the main square. 

Riku turned before following her, “It was nice meeting you, Isa.”

“It was nice meeting you as well, Riku.” It had not been much of a tour, but his afternoon with Riku had certainly given him a lot to think about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a long time, but I have been in a writing mood and I have so much written out on this fic and I love it too much to not keep going on it. Thanks so much for the nice comments they mean a lot!


	12. Repose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa has a nightmare.

The walls of his bedroom turned white. No longer his room in Radiant Garden, but the barren walls of his room in the castle in between.  _ This is not real… right _ . Part of his was positive this was a dream, the other part of him worried that this was just another unreal occurrence in his life. It felt real enough, the air stifling as always. Only a Nobody would know just how oppressive Nothing could really be. 

Time was not real again, he was just lying there, waiting for something to happen. The sickly yellow light of Kingdom Hearts shining through her window. He could feel it sucking out his own energy. Isa grabbed at his chest, wanting the reassurance of his returned heart but he felt nothing. 

_ Recusant… _ . 

A deep voice echoed through his skull. 

_ You are mine _ … 

No… no… his body was his now right? No more being controlled, owned by another person. Darkness curled in from the corners of his room. The tendrils inching closer and closer. Yellow eyes flicked in front of him. No body just hovering. He heard laughing, but not just one voice. Lots of them, familiar voices. He felt the darkness wrapped around his legs and he looked to the door, hoping for an escape. But all he saw was Lea. He was standing, hand on the door, his face full of disappointment. He turned and left. Isa was pinned to the bed and could not follow, but he shouted out- “No-- don’t leave me.” The darkness slowly covered him, and as he choked for air, his eyes opened. 

Drenched in sweat, chest heaving, Isa looked around in a panic. His blankets were wrapped tightly around his legs but he was in his normal room in Radiant Garden. It was just a dream. But one of those all to real ones filling his stomach with dread and an uncomfortable prickling feeling on his clammy skin.  

Moonlight shining through the window meant that he had not even made it through the night. But the beams were comforting, far less eerie then the sickly yellow light of his dream. Isa doubted any sort of sleep would follow after that, a nightmare that ranked pretty high on his worst list. Xehanort’s voice still echoed through his mind and made his stomach turn. The sleep medication he had taken clearly not enough to suppress what his dreams had just subjected him to. 

He reached for his phone on his nightstand, fingers grabbing against wood until he finally found his mark. The light from his phone made him blink, a little too bright but hardly matched the discomfort he already felt. He immediately opened up his messages from Lea. He could not really come up with something to say. ‘Just had a really terrible dream and I want to make sure you have not given up on me in real life.’, that really did not seem like a good conversation starter. So instead he just scrolled through their old messages and selfies, mostly just little updates and ‘Miss you’s’. As nice as it was having this lifeline to his best friend, it did not replace the real thing. But he did not want to be needy, or sound possessive and ask when he was coming back. It had only been a little over a week, hardly worth begging him to come back. 

The phone chirped in his hand and if he wasn’t still so shaken up from the dream he would have laughed. A message from Lea, as if he had somehow known Isa was sitting here in bed trying to come up with something to say. He had been searching for some comfort in his best friend and here it was. Lea had sent a selfie, tongue out and peace sign up, with a little message-- ‘Miss ya- see ya soon!’ 

Isa laid his phone on his chest, staring up at the ceiling. Calm replacing the anxiety that had built from the dream. He still doubted that sleep would come, but he would take the peace of mind and wondered when he would get to see Lea again for real. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter but didn't think it fit in with the next one so made it it's own little thing.


End file.
